Archive for May, 2011

Mud and Funerals

So I started my summer job this week.

It’s really kind of funny that the job I have taken for the summer is one that requires me to wake up *earlier* than my regular job. I have to get up at 5:00 am, and then drive 30 minutes out to a farm house in the middle of nowhere. It’s a miracle I have gone there 3 times now and have yet to crash simply because I *can not* function in the morning. Typically.  Strangely enough, I’ve come to really enjoy my early morning drive on mostly hard-packed dirt roads. It’s peaceful.  I love it.  (And I’ve yet to pass out and crash! Yay me!)

It realy hasn’t been too bad. I’m working as a nanny for a family who lives in this really awesome 100+ year old farmhouse. They also have an amazing amount of land, most of which is not currently being farmed so is just filled with wild flowers/plants/weeds. Beautiful. They also have two horses that greet and follow me down the drive to the house. I love it!! Then there are the kids. They are some of the easiest kids I’ve ever worked with. Oh my goodness, I love these children.

Anyways. So I get one day off a week.  It’s going ot officially become my Adventure Day, as I fully intend to enjoy my first summer in CO even though I’m working. Well, it just so happens that my oldest sister and her family were going to be attending a funeral three hours from us, and that the funeral was going to take place on my day off.

Yep, we crashed the funeral. Kind of. We didn’t go to the actual service, but we were there for the rest of the day. Which included a drive out to where the family land/ farm/ cemetery is, and a drive through the land surrounding. Oh! And we also drove out to the place where the corners of three states met. We didn’t stop and stand on three states as we planned to, because we didn’t want to get stuck. In mud.

Apparently? It’s really cool to have maybe 1 paved road in an entire town. Okay, so I know that they probably couldn’t afford to pave *all* the roads in that county because we were in the middle of the plains and that is a *lot* of farm land to cover. But, we would have appreciated some concrete. Though our little drive would have been less exciting. And that’s what us Fawcett’s do, we keep things exciting.

So, my sister’s father-in-law was in charge of the little sight-seeing adventure. When we were finished trying to decifer hundred year old head stones, he decided to take us out to “the breaks”. Literally? There are random mini-canyons and breaks in the earth in the middle of Kansas’ sprawling farm plains. They are completely random and really awesome. The roads out to the breaks were dirt (of course) and it had just been raining/storming. We should have thought about that more. Chad, Jess, and I were the last car in the little caravan, and as typical, we were way behind the others. We came down this little hill and stumbled upon a beautiful shot of a series of breaks. My brother, being the photographer he is, slowed down to stop and take a shot. Well… we slowed down alright. Actually, we sunk down. Into the mud. On one side of the car. My brother did his best to try to get us out… but it wasn’t happening. We were stuck.


We decided we needed some way for the wheels to get traction. As we were in the middle of farmland, the best opton we had was to pull out fence posts from the never-ending woodpost-and-barbed-wire fence that run the entire length of the western half of the state. Hopefully, the posts we pulled up weren’t needed. Regardless, they didn’t work. By this time, my brother-in-law noticed we were no longer in the caravan, and he, his dad, and his brother came looking for us. They found us taking off our socks and shoes and rolling up our pant legs. They were troopers and joined in. Not going to lie, I really loved walking aroung in the mud. But I also helped. Actually, I was told that it was my helping (the angle I was pushing from) that finally got the car unstuck. YAY! It was a beautiful little bonding moment. And so funny! We were all laughing the whole time. Chad got pictures of our feet instead of the breaks. Good stuff.

The rest of the day was a little awkward, as we mingled at the post-funeral meal and talked with people we didn’t know… but it was all worth it to see my sister and her family. And to get stuck in some mud on some dirt road in the middle of nowhere Kansas. 

So adventure #1 for my summer, I guess?

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The BS Group

I do not like people who have an “us and them” mentality. I *really* hate it when people who claim to follow Jesus have this viewpoint.  “We need to go save them. We need to share the gospel with them. We need to pray for them.” I also have a hard time being around people who sit in a place  where they feel as though they are such good people, so it’s okay if they examine and judge the lives of people around them. I hate bigots, pious douchebags, and the people who mistaken popularity for spirituality.

Meet the BS Group.  It stands for Bible Study, but most of the time BS fits better.

I used to rate “sins”. There were those that weren’t so bad, those that were bad, and those that were just awful. I’m embarassed to admit that mine were always viewed by myself as “not so bad”, where others’ were typically “bad, and terrible”. I’d judge. I’d condemn. I’d feel better about myself.  Then I entered the real world, and reality shattered the holy lottle fantasy I’d been living in. Judgementalism stems from immaturity, and a disconnection from the real, messy, fucked up world we live in.

There is a segment of the BS group who all work in the Community Life department of the college. They participate in community building projects, and work together with other campus community groups to form opportunities from the students to plug into and feel a part of the campus as a community. Every week, these couples came to BS and complain about their jobs. They talk about how ” it’s hard to be around people like those buddhist” and how “they just can’t work with the GLBT group” because the GLBT group shot down the idea that one of the projects should be going around to various community churchs and working/ cleaning in them. (Seriously, the BS couple suggested this. As if that’d be a safe environment to take GLBT students into. dumbasses.) It was really bad when their idea of sending boxes of Christmas gifts over to schools and orphanages in other countries was shot down because they insisted on putting tracks in the boxes. TRACKS. I’m a Christian, and I hate those damn wastes of paper. These people talk on and on, complaining about how they are being persecuted and bullied. Then we find out that they won’t allow GLBT students to come to their apartment as a “safe place” where they can be counseled if they are being bullied. Why?  Because this couple believes that homosexuality is an ABOMINATION. They believe it’s a choice depraved people make and if they were really repentative and came to Christ, they’d be “healed”. Can you all feel my anger? Because nothing pisses me off more than this. Who are we to sit in our gold-encrusted chairs of “holiness” and look down and condemn others? Who are we to distance ourselves from people because we decide they are “unworthy”? And don’t even get me started in the “it’s a choice” issue. When you’ve seen a dear friend struggle with hating himself then hating God then hating himself, trying so hard to be “good enough” to be “healed” from his attraction to other guys, you come and talk to me about his “choice” to be gay. When you have broken into a friend’s bathroom just to find him almost unconscious on the floor with blood pouring out of his wrist because he couldn’t take being “an abomination” anymore, and had to help him bandage himself and get to a hospital… and then kept him from trying again, then you can come at me with the bullshit of “he chose to be that way.” BS! Bullshit!

We may never understand the struggles that others have, we may never have the same struggles as others, but we should never EVER use religion as an excuse for our own bigotry and ignorance. Who are we to say someone’s struggles are more disgraceful then our own? Because we all have struggles. We all are messed up and scarred thanks to life and the many colorful ways it fucks us up. Not a single one of us is perfect. Trying to separate yourselves from reality will not keep you “safe” from this.

You claim to love God and follow Jesus… have you read the gospels? Did you notice who Jesus hung out with? Not the popular, pious church leaders who tried to kepp themselves completely separated from all that’s “unclean” in the world… he hung out with fishermen, criminals, prostitutes, and th poor. His group of friends were composed of you’re typical everyday kind of men. He IMMERSED himself into their lives, eating with them, loving them, staying out their houses with them and staying up all night partying with them. He got to know them, and all their brokenness, and oddities, and uniquities, and He loved them.

The Jesus you follow sees everyone for exactly who they are and loves them still. Always. He loves, He understands, He comforts, He empowers.

God does not hate fags. In fact, the only people Jesus got pissed at were the pious, religious douchbags who cast judgement on everyone else. I don’t get it, the rules of conduct that the Bible talk about. I don’t get why we are the way we all. But I know God loves us. He feels for us and our struggles and our joys. He rejoices in our happiness, and grieves in our pain.

I also know that my anger at these BS couples is just as bad as their distain for anyone different from them. I know that my own issues with “Christianity” are at play, too. My judgement of them is just as bad as their judgement on others. I need to work on trying to understand them better… getting to know them and where they come from.

I guess all I can hope is that God reminds me of His love, and that He keeps a tight hand over my mouth tomorrow night. I’m still not looking forward to tomorrow… but maybe if I treat them with love and respect, something will happen. Maybe tomorrow night won’t be so bad, and BS with be filled with a little less…bs.

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