Home > Uncategorized > “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

The 30 Day Challenge proved to be too much commitment for me.  I’m finally resigning myself to this truth.

So have you ever felt like you were just waiting for your life to begin? As if you were an observer to your own life. Not living it, not the main star of it… just simply there.  As if you were sitting in one place, watching your own life function around, and without, you.  That’s kind of where I currently am finding myself. I’m constently feeling either apathetic or impatient. Part of me is content to wait for things to work out, and the other part of me is so anxious to start my life.  There are so many things I want to do! So many possibilities!

So close, but just out of reach.

I can’t get a career job until I finish school (Master’s degree) and become fully licensed. Really, I should be preparing to finish my last class of my undergraduate, and then be looking into the requirements I will need to fulfill in order to get into a graduate program. Then, I need to set up a plan on how to obtain the necessary experiences and such to make the requirements. Then, I need to figure out how long until I can go to the grad school. Then, I need to find housing and roomates to live with until I can go to grad school…

But right now? I feel tired. Too tired to think about all this. To tired to try to figure anything out. In this moment, I am completely content to think that I will forever be sitting here, on this bed, in this room, typing on this computer. That this moment is it. Mostly, because I’m too tired to think  beyond it.

Moving on is scary. Growing up. making plans, taking steps to fulfill those plans? All terrify me. In many ways, it saddens me. We go through life, starting this and ending that… passing through this person’s life as they pass through ours all as we attempt to find meaning, purpose, and a sense of belonging.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

Tonight? I’m too tired to plan, too tired to pass through. Tonight, I want to naively believe that thte place I am at and the people that mean so much to me will always be. I want to slow down,stop even, and feel the relaxing and calming lie from childhood that “things are always going to be exatly how they are now.” Because I’m too dang tired to do anything else.

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