Home > Uncategorized > Worry and All It’s Little Buddies

Worry and All It’s Little Buddies

I am a chronic worrier. And it’s completely genetic. My Ma also worries. About everything and anything. Add to that a tendency towards dramatics, and you have a good idea of what we are like under stress. We both worry by nature, so when we actually have something legitimate to worry about, we become incredible strained… much like a membrane that is stretched so very thin it is translucent and fragile.

I’m feeling a bit of both currently. I don’t have a full time job right now, and I am currently uninsured. I was lucky enough to stay on my parent’s insurance until I was 22 and out of school… but I’ve been off for a while now. I’m also a bit hyperchandriacal. And I’m coming down with something. And I can’t get to a doctor to get the tests to tell me what I could possibly have. so needless to say, my lack of employment plus my inpending doom and certain death has been on my mind all day long. Add to that pre-existing stomach pain that is made worst by anxiety…. and I feel too sick and distracted and worked up to sleep.

Why do I do this to myself? Because, really? I’m not going to die. It’ll work out. Either God will heal me or I will get a job this week and get to a doctor in a few weeks following. No big, yea?

Also? what can I do about anything, anyways? so if I have a disease that needs treatment or else, do I currently have money to get treatment? no. Is there anything else I can do to increase my chances of getting a full time job in the school district? No… not unless I want to make myself a complete and utter nuisance to that lady in the district headquarter’s office who I talk to almost every time I call to inquire about my most recent application. (She did mention last time that there is no need to call, they do the calling if they are interested.) So why worry? Why put myself through this?

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, let your request be made knownbefore God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

I know God is in control, and will help me through whatever. I also know that I desperately want and need sleep. *so relax, take a deep breath*

I need to just keep in mind that everything will be okay. I need to stop. God is god.

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