Home > Uncategorized > i may not totally get the whole point of blogging.

i may not totally get the whole point of blogging.

okay… so serious and thoughtful post has been completed. Check!

so here are some things I’ve been tossing around a bit. I want to get a Brittany Spaniel. Not right now, because that’d be nuts since I’m living in a rental that isn’t even MY rental. But!!! the next time I get a pet?? totally is going to be a Brittany Spaniel.
also? i kind of want to get married. Now, before you roll your eyes and prepare to #1) leave the site, or #2) brace for some weepy, needy chick’s sylloque about how she isn’t good enough or wants to be loved so bad and wahwahi’msodesperatewahwah… know this: I am not the type of chick who is so desperately needs a guys and therefore chases down and stalks any guys who is nice to her. Actually, I’m not a “chick” at all. I’m a young lady. I’m also the type of young lady who is very independent. I didn’t date in highschool because I thought highschool relationships were stupid and a waste of time. You either end up giving up your virginity in some cheap way to a  guy who will be working at Joe’s Body Shop the rest of his life and will have aquired a size-able beer belly 3 years after graduating with a “C” average and a varsity letter, OR you end up promising to “love forever” just to find your loverboy in bed with another girl when you show up at HIS college for a surprise visit a month into college. Either way, you end up cheated out of anything real, true, and long-lasting. So… why do it?? I also didn;t date in college because I am terrified of spending time and money building up my dreams and plans only to completely abandon them for sexy eyes and nice hands sometime around sophmore year. I’d wake up 20 years later with 6 kids, hips as wide as the Grand Canyon, and the crushing realization that I will never go to India, I will never work in a majority world country, and that I will never fulfill my dreams of being some great humanitarian who helps other people to realize a better way of life.

okay, so you have the back-story on me. People used to say I was going to grow up to be either a nun or some crazy bohemian cat lady. I’m not “that” kid of girl. I’m not the good little christian girl who goes to college for their “MRS” degree. I’m the weird kind of girl who has to be told by her mother that maybe I should try to not shoot down every guy who offers AND that it’s not normal to like a guy a lot… until I finally realize he likes me, too… and then suddenly I find him not so attractive. (Honestly, y’all… how can I HELP that? MAKE myself still like them?) So i’m not the girl who talks about how much she wants a boyfriend/husband. That’s just not me. Buuutttt… today I was thinking… I have all these big dreams and ideas and goals. I want to go to all these places, and work on all these projects… and I like singleness because it leaves all possibilities wide open. I have me to worry about. That’s it. So if I want to up and go somewhere… I can just GO! no talking it out with “him”, and making sure that….blah blah blah. I can just GO!!! The thought came to me today,though, that it might be nice to have someone to go with me. You know? Someone to share the experience with, and to reimagine this or that with together… talking about how fun this was, or how crazy that was.  I don’t know why it seemed like such a novel idea. It just did. I had never considered that. Even thinking about the place I just hiked this weekend, I’ve been daydreaming about going there with my two Brittany Spaniels and running the trail, exploring the hills, etc… alone. Just me and the dogs.  And it kind of felt a little lonely…

this is new territory for me, guys. It’s weird.  Because I don’t do this. Even when I think about having kids… I think about me and some kids. No man… no father figure at all. (Just how that would work, I don’t know. sperm bank? adoption? who even knows.) My natural instinct is to push this all away. To not think about it. My default phrase is “If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well.” but… I think I’m going to ponder this some. At 22, maybe it’s time to consider this possibility.

*influx of estrogen, much? haha*

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