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Archive for July, 2010

frustration and fear

I’m scared.

truly and deeply afraid.

I have applied for various jobs, and have secured nothing. I’m really not sure what I am doing wrong. I search and apply and bug places until I get a form letter or a personal “we don’t want you so please stop bothering us” response. IT doesn’t help that the job I’m curently at as a temp drives me to tears and my parents are constantly hounding me to pick a career. Lord save me, I’m going to lose my mind.

I’m not the type pf person who does well waiting when I can’t see what I’m waiting for. I like having plans, having a goal clearly defined for me to pursue, so having nothing but a bunch of “maybes” and life-long pipe dreams in front of me… I’m not at peace. I’m very unsettled. and I hate feeling unsettled. I wanna know what to do, where to go. I wanna know!!

God has a plan in this, I’m sure. And one day it’ll all be clear why going through this time of struggle was so important. but right now… I just want to haveĀ a glimpse, a fleeting glance at what is to come so that I can be more patient right now.

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